Secondhand Lions 2003
I had heard so many positive things about this movie. On Netflix, there were hundreds of 5-star reviews from people who were absolutely enchanted with it. Having watched it, I have no idea how that could be. One problem is that I had high expectations. Also I did not realize that this is a children’s movie, not really one for adults. As such, it has very low production values, horrible writing, and one of the worst performances I have ever seen (Haley Joel Osment) as the teenaged Osment tries to act like a cute 10-year-old. Michael Caine and Robert Duvall are two incredibly talented actors. But with bad material they come off incredibly bland and tired. Duvall does his stammering, preachy thing and Caine does his charming, sparkly-eyed thing, but we’ve seen it too many times. The backstory is terrible and might as well have been a cartoon, with its lack of substance and flat to invisible characters.
Of course the only way such bad writing and performances make it to film is through bad directing. There is just no way the director couldn’t have realized that Osment simply wasn’t up to the material. But given the writing, I’m not sure anyone could say those lines with any measure of credibility. Even the title is off: Though the movie clearly mentions the plural of lions, there is only one in the movie.
Now that I’ve ranted, I feel much better. Given that so many people do seem to like it, I would say that if you want some family-friendly entertainment and aren’t expecting very much, that you could enjoy this. But if you don’t mind hack acting by teenagers, outsized characters, and would rather have a great story to go with it, try Holes. This movie gets a C only because I feel like maybe I just missed something that other people might be seeing. Otherwise it would be a D. I believe that people have a sliding scale and give kid’s movies too much benefit of the doubt.
Written: 03 Sep 2006